Sunday, October 3, 2010
back off, black dog
The funny thing about depression is that it can't be scheduled- it pops up when it likes, often with no obvious trigger and certainly no conscious invitation. When it does come knocking it's foolish to ignore it. Fight it you can, but ignore it no. Despite having this wisdom in hand I still often fight it, so when I give in as I have these past few days, I still feel in control. I've given it permission to control me, just for now, just this once, just because I need to take it easy on myself.
But for someone like me, depression is manageable. Fighting it or not, I don't have to go out into the world everyday and pretend to be happy. I work from home, so I can easily curl up in a half-lit corner of my bedroom and tinker away on art projects, bothered by no one.
I know it'll go away eventually- hours perhaps, or days. Until then I put it down to too much travelling back and forth and the over-excitement of the new farmhouse, which is still in limbo due to the estate agent's way of never returning calls. Sometimes it can feel as if life isn't moving forward, but I am.